How to Feel Better… Transcript

NOTE:  LISTENING IS THE KEY TO TRANSFORMATION 

Why?  Because you can listen daily without taking any time out of your day.  The key to this program is consistency (and willingness!)  As you apply these simple concepts each and every day, you are creating and strengthening new neural pathways (mental habits) while removing your focus from old fearful habits.   The more consistent and focused you are, the faster you will see results.

 


fb_cdHow to Feel Better When Things Get Worse
Unabridged Written Transcript

Heather Noël

With all the prayers in the world for peace, why haven’t we accomplished this?  What is peace and what will truly perpetuate peace on earth?  Let’s begin with what peace is not.  True peace is not a lack of conflict.  True peace only occurs when we move beyond conflict in our own hearts and minds and can truly feel at peace within ourselves and within our own lives.  Is it truly possible we don’t fully understand the technology of prayer?

The most powerful prayer in the world is how you FEEL.  If you want to experience peace in the world, you must first learn how to actively feel peaceful throughout the day.  You must find peaceful ways out of conflict.  If you want to see a harmless, loving world, you must BE HARMLESS in your actions and conversations with yourself and with others.

Many people feel frustrated and helpless, as if their voice and prayers aren’t being heard.  But your prayers, in the form of your feelings, are heard.  And if your ‘prayers’ are feelings of anger and frustration and helplessness, you will receive more of what you’ve been praying for.

Based on results, isn’t this true?  Haven’t you noticed that your feelings keep generating more of the very thing you don’t want to experience?  If you’re praying for more money, aren’t you feeling a lack of prosperity or abundance?  If you’re praying for love, aren’t you in fact feeling unloved and alone?  Have you noticed these issues are then perpetuated, not solved.  We cannot heal a world in conflict if we are in conflict within ourselves.

Some people become so disillusioned they become angry that God hasn’t heard their prayers.  Could it be that we’re literally ‘praying’ our own experiences into existence every moment of every day and that our prayers are being answered, for positive or negative?  If that’s the case, shouldn’t we learn to align ourselves with the power of positive prayer?  This program will explain how to reprogram your thinking and give you the tools for having peace as a reality in every moment of your life.

As I’ve explained, the most powerful tool for peace in your life, and in the world, is your ability to feel peace continually, no matter what’s going on in the world around you or in your daily life.

The toning-meditation on the last track of this CD is the most powerful tool for peace I’ve ever experienced.  I’ll explain it in more detail, but for now let me say that singing or humming with the music is very important if you want to physically feel peace, because it creates a deeply relaxing vibration in your body.

In the same way there’s a fundamental difference between thinking about love and feeling love, it’s the same with peace.  The resonance that occurs in your body when you breathe deeply, sing and fully relax will ultimately become imprinted in your consciousness.  And you will begin to spontaneously experience the feelings of peace you’ve been practicing.  I’ve had many people comment on the difference between simply listening to the music and actually singing with it.

The content on this program has come from my own personal experience.  Everything I offer here I apply in my own life.  And since I began the toning-meditation, my life has been filled with peace, joy and gratitude consistently on a daily basis for years.

I want to share my experience so you’ll see that part of being at peace is listening to your intuition.  When I first began the toning-meditation I was a single mother with a 2-year old daughter.  I was determined not to put her in day care, and I had her all day, six days a week.  One day a week she’d stay with her father and in that one day I scheduled all my clients.  I literally had no time off, day after day, week after week.  I loved being there for my daughter, but I was also exhausted.

A few days after I’d started the toning-meditation I woke up in the morning and had this strong feeling to sign up for a month long membership at a ski resort in the mountains.  It didn’t make much sense to me, since I’d never been one to workout on a regular basis and fifty-dollars was a lot of money to me at the time.  But I also knew to trust my intuition, and since I had the money, I drove up and signed up for a membership.

My daughter’s father worked in the area, and when he heard I’d signed up at the spa, he offered to care for Amelia for five or six hours on a daily basis.  So every day I hiked in the mountains, followed by swimming in the pool, and relaxing in the hot tub and steam room.  I spent hours in the solarium hand writing a book while listening to relaxing music and looking out over the mountains.  This became my every day reality.

I suddenly realized my income hadn’t changed, but I was living the life of a very wealthy person.  Then one day a simple thought spontaneously came into my mind that said, “You asked for peace and here it is.”  It was a stunning revelation.

I realized it had never occurred to me to be willing to feel peace on a consistent, daily basis.  I thought, “It can’t be this simple.”  But it is.  I began to see that life is naturally meant to be peaceful and joyful, but I had to consciously choose peace and joy.

Though I was not looking for employment, I met a woman in the spa locker room who offered me a very lucrative job selling jewelry in the resort.  And she let me choose my hours to work around my schedule with my daughter.

One day, after several months, I was in the steam room, and I met a man that I never would have met because I wasn’t a skier.  We were married six months later.

After we were married I thought to myself I must have finally gotten something right! Again a thought came to me that said, “It’s not just what you’ve done right, it’s every mistake you ever made that brought you to this moment.”  So you see it doesn’t matter what your life looks like today, you’re listening to this, because you’re ready to hear it.  And you’ll see a profound change take place if you simply apply the following transformational principles to your life.

Please understand these principles apply to you as an individual, and also to any group you’re a part of.  It doesn’t matter whether the group is gender based, religious, ethnic, or anything else, apply the principles and you’ll have positive results and experiences.

If you would like to start seeing answers instead of problems, you must first understand that everything you experience is filtered through your perception.  In other words, your perception determines your experience, not the event itself.

For instance, if you had a hundred different people who have the same experience, there would be a hundred different reactions, depending on individual perception, which is based on past beliefs and feelings.

Look at your life and determine what percent of your life is peaceful and joyful, and what percent is problematic or chaotic?  Now observe your thinking:  What percent of your thoughts are focused on happiness, love and joy, and what percent are focused on worry, anger, fear or resentment?  How often do you have little inner conversations where you argue your point and try to prove that you’re right and they’re wrong?  Notice there’s a direct correlation between the percent of what you’re thinking, believing or feeling, which is positive or negative, and the percentage of positive or negative experiences in your life.

A Course in Miracles says something to this effect, “You either learn through love or fear.  If you learn through love your lessons will be joyful, if you learn through fear your lessons will be painful.  Either way you’re going to learn.”  So the question is this:  Do you want to continue having painful experiences or would you rather learn through joy?

Most people believe in some sort of a Higher Power or God.  Even those who say they don’t believe in ‘God,’ may very easily embrace the statement from the Bible which simply defines God as ‘Love.’  Or they may think, ‘I only believe in myself.’ God is defined as ‘I AM’ in the Bible.  So if you believe in your own existence, you are, by definition, believing in God.  This may not be how religions define God, but this is the broad definition for our purposes here.  So when I say the word, God, please apply whatever definition will allow you to hear the message!

All modalities and therapies recognize that what we’re really dealing with are patterns in consciousness.  So if you want your life to change, you have to change the way you’re thinking.  In other words, if you are focused on your problems and feeling stress, worry, anger, resentment…you will continue to create those experiences in your life.  If you want a life full of abundance, joy, love, peace and harmony, you can create it by FEELING abundant, FEELING love, FEELING joy and FEELING gratitude! It’s as simple as that.

If you doubt your mastery in this area, just realize that you’ve already powerfully ‘mastered’ your ability to create painful experiences by focusing on fear and negativity, so you can just as powerfully create something joyful by focusing your full attention on Love! Do this powerfully and do it with great joy!

I assure you that if you feel like you’re in the pig-pen, or you’re battling depression, or you’re experiencing lack and limitation, or wondering when God is going to answer your prayers or give you the love-of-your-life, you will only continue to experience more of the same.  If you want out of the pig-pen, FOCUS YOUR FULL ATTENTION ON GOD, ON DIVINE LOVE, PASSIONATE LIFE, THE TRUTH OF YOUR BEING! Do you want the love of your life?  BE the love of your life!! BE the Love you ask for!

It is through LIVING passionately, joyfully and with an abundant heart that you will draw these experiences to you! There is no other way! Say to yourself over and over, “I Love My Life,” no matter what the appearances may be, because you created it! If you deny that what’s happening to you is a direct result of your own thoughts and feelings, you’re stuck with that creation.  If you love your creation, then you can create anew.

Truth is a subjective thing.  What’s true for me may not be true for you.  So I’m not here to tell you The Truth.  I am here to tell you what WORKS! And, based on results, does your life work?  Is your life filled with joy, abundance, peace, and harmony?  Do you love your life?  If there’s something missing in your life, I can absolutely guarantee, I can give you an uncomplicated process that will change your life, if you simply apply the principles.  Use all of these ideas, or just pick what works for you.  It is impossible to apply the following ideas without experiencing positive change!! So if you do not experience a positive change, it’s because you are choosing the same fearful, worried, stressful thoughts and experiencing the same painful results.  It’s as simple as that! You can create joy or pain – either way you’re going to learn.

Make a commitment to yourself that you will listen to the tape daily for 60 days and diligently apply the information.  Doing this for 60 days will create a solid basis for a new way of thinking and feeling.  Even if you only listen to a small portion of the program, it will remind you to realign your thoughts, which will in turn begin to re-pattern your thinking.

GREATEST PROBLEM-SOLVING CONCEPT IN THE UNIVERSE. 
“The Results Book” by Arlo Wally Minto.

 

If you want to start seeing answers instead of problems, let me share with you the GREATEST PROBLEM-SOLVING CONCEPT IN THE UNIVERSE.  To use this problem-solving concept all you need to do is simply understand that all problems are O.K.  Every problem you have is O.K.  The problem, itself, is O.K.; and it’s O.K. for you to be experiencing the problem.

The reason problems must be O.K. is because your brain operates under the law, as you believe so shall it be done.  Your brain is a computer-like guidance mechanism and it guides you according to the beliefs you have programmed it with.  However, there are different degrees of belief.  What are some of the things you believe in?  You might answer God, gravity, myself, night and day.  These are things we might all believe in, but there are things we believe in stronger than any of these.

The simple truth is that the things we believe in stronger than anything else are the things that we fear.  I will guarantee you, if you are walking down a narrow path through the woods and you come face to face with a grizzly bear, you are going to believe in that grizzly bear stronger than you ever believed in God or gravity or yourself or anything else.  If you believed in God that strongly, you would be getting answers to all your prayers, but you’ve probably never prayed with that much energy and emotion.

You see, fear is the same thing as belief except that you put more energy and emotion into something you fear and so it becomes a stronger belief.

You believe in God, gravity, yourself.  That is believing.  Then there is really believing, and really believing is worrying about something.  And then there is really, really believing.  And the things in life you really, really believe in are the things you fear.  Realize that you use the same faculties of your brain-mind functioning to believe in God as you use to fear the dentist, except that when your believing reaches the degree of fear, you are putting more energy and more emotion into it so it becomes a stronger belief.

If you can grasp the fact that worry and fear are the strongest forms of believing, and as you believe so shall it be done unto you, then you will understand how allowing your problems to be O.K. will solve 90% of your problems in life without even directing any attention to the problem.

The simplicity that makes this work is this:  Have you ever worried about something or feared something if you knew it was O.K.?  No! If something’s O.K., you don’t worry about it or fear it.

The reason you have failed to reach many of your goals in life is because you have not been aware that worry and fear are the strongest forms of belief.  There is an ancient message, “That which I feared the most came upon me.”  What the message is really saying is, that which I really, really believed in happened to me.

If you are constantly worrying about or fearing something, the greater energy and emotion from the worry and the fear create a predominant brain cell pattern of what you are fearing or worrying about.  Your predominant brain cell patterns are your habits or your comfort zones.  Fear and worry simply develop a habit of being or doing or having what you fear or what you worry about.

How many times have you said to yourself, “I don’t know why I keep doing this.  I really don’t want to but I can’t seem to stop?”  Haven’t you found yourself consciously praying to stop something and at the same time worrying to keep it going – praying to get out of debt and worrying to stay in debt, praying to lose weight and worrying to gain weight?

If you will allow your problems to be O.K. just the way they are, then your subconscious mind will stop worrying about them or stop fearing them.  This allows your subconscious mind to stop really, really believing in your problems.

Then the conscious desire or answer has a chance to become a reality.  In other words, by eliminating worry and fear you allow your mind to see answers instead of problems.

Your brain is designed in a computer-like manner to seek answers, but through worry and fear you have taught it to see the problems instead.  If all of your attention is focused on the problem, you will not see the answer.  Worry simply develops a habit of having or doing or being what you are worrying about.  When you worry, you create a predominant brain cell pattern of the problem.  When you say it’s O.K. you are creating a new pattern that releases the worry and thereby releases the problem.

When you start using this concept, start with yourself, because if you are not O.K., then nothing else in the world is O.K.  Have you noticed that when you are not O.K., then nothing is O.K.?  When you are filled with happiness, when you are O.K., the whole universe and everything in it is O.K.  So start with yourself being O.K.

After you have experienced the ah-hah that you really are O.K. just the way you are, then you may experience another ah-hah, that every other person in the world is O.K. too, just the way they are.  Even though it may seem like an impossibility at the moment, if you keep applying this O.K. concept, one day you will realize that even your husband or wife, your parents or your children, your boss and even your enemies are O.K., just the way they are.  In understanding this you will have developed a powerful tool in helping other people overcome their problems.

If your child is smoking and you know it’s not O.K. to smoke, what is your child admitting if he stops smoking?  That’s correct, your child is admitting he was wrong.  But, if it’s O.K. to smoke and it’s simply that the results of smoking through a lifetime are usually not desirable, then the child can quit smoking without being wrong.

It’s this concept that has given me so much success in communicating with youth about their problems.  So many times parents will drag their child in, sure that I am going to tell the child how wrong he is for smoking or drinking or taking drugs or whatever it might be.  As soon as the parents leave the room, my communication with the youth is that his problem is O.K.  I mean, it really is O.K. to take drugs.  It’s even O.K. to shoot heroin.  The result of shooting heroin is that you will probably die within four years because that is the average lifetime of a mainliner.  That’s O.K. too because we’ve all got to die sooner or later and if they choose to do it in that manner and that soon, that’s O.K..  I also point out to the youth that the most likely result of letting go of drugs, is probably a longer, healthier, happier life.

I really communicate with them that they are O.K. with problems or without them.  It’s only that the results are going to be different one way or the other.  This allows them to let go of problems without being wrong.

This O.K. concept is not new to you.  When you faced a problem and you knew there was nothing you could do to change the situation, haven’t you said, “Well, there is nothing I can do about it, so I guess it’s O.K.?”  And what happened?  Most often this caused you to stop worrying about the problem and the problem dissolved and disappeared.

Now you might ask, “If the whole world is O.K., and every person is O.K., and all problems are O.K., just the way they are, then why change?  Why put out any effort?  Why do anything at all?”  There is no reason to do anything, there is no reason to change, unless you want to experience something different than what you’re experiencing now.  If you are experiencing an unhappy relationship and instead you would like to experience a happy relationship, then of course, you must change.  If you want that change to take place without frustration and without problems, if you want that change to take place by flowing with the universe, then you must first realize that it is O.K. to be experiencing an unhappy relationship now.  This will allow your subconscious mind and those people around you the freedom to begin experiencing a happy relationship.

PLEASE UNDERSTAND, ALLOWING EVERYTHING TO BE O.K. DOES NOT STOP CHANGE AND PROGRESS, INSTEAD IT ALLOWS PERFECT CHANGE AND PROGRESS TOTAKE PLACEWITHOUT PROBLEMS.  If the problem is not O.K. this forces you to keep the problem in your mind and you take the problem into the future.  If the problem is O.K., this allows your mind to release the problem and leave it in the past so that you can see the answer in the future.

Now you may still misunderstand this whole concept and say, “But what if someone takes unfair advantage of me – is that okay?”  Sure, it’s okay if someone takes unfair advantage of you.  If you had allowed it to be O.K. before it happened, it probably would never have happened.  Haven’t you noticed that the people who are always worried (really believing) that someone is going to take advantage of them are the ones who are usually taken advantage of?  Even more important is understanding you are O.K. and so it’s O.K. for you to do something about it.  It’s O.K. for you to do something to make them stop taking advantage of you.

You see, the whole universe is O.K. When you only use the concept halfway, you only get half the results.  When you say it’s O.K. for someone to take unfair advantage of you, but it’s not O.K. for you to do something about it you are only using it halfway.  When you say it is not O.K. for someone to take unfair advantage of me but it is O.K. for me to do something about it, you are only using the concept halfway.  It’s all O.K.

Allowing it to be O.K. for people to take advantage of you does not guarantee that no one will.  However, it does stop you from believing that everyone is going to take advantage of you and, consequently, fewer people do.  Letting it be O.K. to fail does not guarantee success but it will stop you from believing in failure which will certainly make your success a lot easier.

The most important reason for applying the O.K. concept is to eliminate fear, worry, guilt and judgment.  Fear, worry, guilt and judging are four of the most destructive forces there are.  If you allow yourself and your problems to be O.K. and other people and their problems to be O.K., you eliminate the need of worry, fear, guilt and judgment from your life.

The reason there is so much power in realizing that yourself and your problems and everyone else and the whole world is O.K. is because letting it be O.K. is a lot closer to love than what you have been calling love.  How many times have you said to your husband or wife or parents or children or boy friend or girl friend, “I love you anyway.”?  What you are really saying is that you are not O.K., but I love you anyway.  And, friends, that is not love.  Instead, when you can say to your friends, to your family, to your enemies, “You are O.K. just the way you are,” that is love.

It has been said that love is the strongest force in the universe, that love overcometh all things.  If this is true, then love should certainly overcome our problems.  Understand now why the O.K. concept is the most powerful problem solving concept in the universe?

When you know that a problem or yourself or another person is O.K. just the way they are, you are expressing love, and love truly is the greatest power in the universe.  Love, truly, overcometh all things.  “It’s O.K.,” is the expressing of love.

There is a fascinating, mind-expanding aspect about love in that you can only give love, you cannot keep it.  You can give love to another person but they cannot keep your love.  That is why love is the strongest force in the universe.  Whenever love is expressed, nothing can stop it.  It keeps spreading throughout the universe because it cannot be possessed.

You may say, but when people love me and I have their love it makes me feel good.  But you do not have their love because having indicates possession.  If you really become aware, you will find that it’s not having love that makes you feel good, but rather it’s returning it or passing it on.  This is part of the ancient message, ‘It is more blessed to give than it is to receive.’  It is more blessed to give love than it is to receive it, because you can’t keep it anyway.

The reason it is more blessed to give love than to receive it is because you are giving of your real true self.  If you take a human being and take away the human part, all you have left is the being and that part of you is love.  The real you within, your inner-self, still remains beautiful and perfect.  If you grasp this, then you may grasp part of the message that says, “The truth shall set you free.”  The truth is that the real you, your inner-self is love.  And when you give of yourself you may truly overcome all things.  If you will project your love into a problem, in other words, let the problem be O.K. just the way it is, you will become free of the problem.

(End of excerpts)

Once you’ve worked with the information from The Results Book, try adding The Seven Day Mental Diet to your recipe for health.

THE 7 DAY MENTAL DIET

 

For seven consecutive days do not say or think anything negative.  (This means if you go off the diet you have to start over!) Now don’t throw up your arms and quit here!! This IS possible.  Just remember that whatever is not working in your life is directly connected to what you’re thinking.  First the thought, then the experience – not the other way around! If you still disagree with this concept, ask yourself this question, ‘Based on results, are my beliefs generating a happy, harmonious and fulfilling life?’

Not saying anything negative is one thing, not thinking negatively, is another!  The truth is you can’t help a negative thought that ‘occurs’ to you, it’s whether or not you continue to think the negative thought.  Here’s one method for consciously releasing negativity.  Say to yourself, ‘This is none of my business.’

Now you may be convinced this problem is your business.  But look at it this way; if there’s nothing you can do about it in this moment, it’s none of your business.  It doesn’t matter whether it’s your bills, your job, a close relationship, or the lack of one.  If you can pay that bill, pay it:  If not, say to yourself, ‘This is none of my business.’  Which really is the same as saying, ‘It’s O.K.’  Or as The Bible says, ‘I can of myself do nothing.’  And when you let go, realizing that you can ‘do nothing,’ your mind stops focusing on the problem and begins seeing answers.

It doesn’t matter if there are problems in your community or if you’re concerned about the environment or world peace, the same principle works:  If you can do something about it, in this moment, do it – if not, ‘it’s none of my business.’

If you’re feeling angry or stressed or feel pressured say to yourself.  ‘I am willing to release this feeling of________________(anger, resentment, fear etc.) and I am willing to be at peace.’  (See the book, “Feelings Buried Alive Never Die,” by Carol Kuhn.)

Willing is the operative word.  If you think about a time when you were angry or depressed, I can absolutely guarantee that you were never willing to release the feeling.  The reason I can say this with total conviction is that I know from experience that you cannot be willing to heal (or release a problem) without the accompanying results.

You may ask, “If it’s really this simple, why do people go on in pain and misery and suffering?”  The answer is simple:  Their personal identity (or ego) is tied into the problem.

A Course in Miracles says, “Do you prefer to be right, or happy?”  If you are suffering, I can assure you, that you either ‘share’ your suffering with others or you have an on-going ‘conversation’ in your mind where you ‘discuss’ how good you are and how the other person is ‘wrong,’ and has treated you badly.  Even feeling guilty and seeing yourself as ‘wrong,’ is still the need to be ‘right.’  Guilt is as much a choice as happiness.  And if all your problems truly are O.K., as Wally Minto says in The Results Book, then isn’t it O.K. to let go of guilt and choose happiness?

In his book, “Finding True Love,” Chuck Spezzano says, “Your personality has been putting together your life story for years.  Typically, it is filled with painful and heroic episodes all neatly tied together to prove what a good person you are….Our life stories are largely composites of victim and martyr stories.  Suffering is a veiled form of attack and so this is a way of feigning innocence while attacking.”

Notice that in order to suffer or be a victim, you’re automatically creating a story in which you are right and someone else is wrong; you are innocent and they’re not.  If you truly desire to have a harmonious, loving, joyful life you must give up, forever, telling your victim story.  Whether it’s from a long time ago or something recent.  If you think you couldn’t possibly give that one up, or that your friends really want you to share your latest drama, let me tell you something I came to realize about our victim/martyr stories.

A few years ago I was invited by Ram Dass to attend one of his workshops.  I had missed the original instructions given by Ram Dass, but I was told that each person in the group was to talk for 4 minutes and the rest of us were to listen without comment or expression.  I was the seventh person out of eight, and I noticed that every single person was telling a victim story.  So I thought that the point of the exercise was to tell your very best victim story.  (It wasn’t until years later that I heard Ram Dass explaining this exercise on a tape and I discovered that it was an exercise on listening!)

In any case, I had this amazing realization.  While listening to each person tell their ‘story,’ what do you think I was thinking about?  Did I care about everyone’s drama?  No.  I was waiting my turn!  I was thinking about how I could make my story even better and more heart wrenching than anyone before me! And then it dawned on me.  If I didn’t care about anyone else’s story, obviously nobody cared about my story, except me!

And when you listen to someone tell their victim story, you are either waiting for your turn or you’re looking for approval.

Dr. Spezzano goes on to say this, “In general, we are all called to change the victim, tragic, horror and heartbreak stories into healing, happy and love stories.”

Obviously forgiveness is a key ingredient in telling a happy, healing story, but how do you forgive?  You may say you’ve forgiven, you may even think you’ve forgiven; but what if you don’t feel forgiveness in your heart?  What if you’re still carrying around anger and resentment?

HOW DO YOU LET GO AND TRULY FORGIVE?

 

I was searching for an answer to those questions.  I knew I wanted to forgive, but I didn’t know how until I read A Course in Miracles, which said something to this effect:  “God knows that you don’t know how to forgive.  Be willing to forgive and God will take care of the rest.”

What an incredible relief it was to know that God Knew I didn’t know how to forgive!! And willingness was all that was required to align myself with Divine Intervention.  Then it occurred to me, if God knew I didn’t know how to forgive, God also knew I didn’t know how to ‘let go’ and certainly the same concept would apply.  Suddenly I had a new way to PRAY!

My prayers began with “I AM WILLING.”  I am willing to forgive.  I am willing to hear Love’s Voice in this matter.  I am willing to release my anger or resentment (or whatever it may be that’s causing this upset).

“A Course in Miracles” says, ‘As forgiveness allows love to return to my awareness, I will see a world of peace and safety and joy.’

Now let’s go back to the 7-Day Mental Diet.  Remember you cannot say or think anything negative.  This not only involves your thoughts when you’re alone, it includes listening to anything negative.  Whether it’s the news or someone gossiping or someone complaining about all that’s wrong in their life.  This is a challenging aspect, because you must stand your ground, even when it would be much easier to just listen.  The problem is that if you listen to negativity, you are essentially agreeing with the so-called reality of lack and limitation, and this is one of those unbreakable cosmic laws.  You must continue attracting that reality to you.  That is the law.  Whatever you say is so, whatever you ‘agree’ with, based on thought, word and deed, is what you must experience.  If you doubt that statement, look at the results in your life.  Keeping in mind that worry and fear are the strongest forms of belief, is there anything you believe in which you do not experience?

When I first tried the 7-Day Mental Diet, one negative thought after the next presented itself.  But I stuck with it, and not only did the negative thoughts begin to come less and less, there actually came a time when I didn’t have to remind myself to let go, or be at peace.  I simply felt the perfection in everything that was happening, without a second thought.  The feeling of perfection, of God’s Presence in every person, every thing and every event will become second nature.

You may wonder what you can expect from working with this tape for 60 days.  From my own experience, and that of others, you may experience anything from discomfort to major upheaval.  But it’s necessary if you’re going to dislodge the old patterns in consciousness.

In the book, “You Can Heal Your Life” by Louise Hay it says, “If you can feel it you can heal it.”  Therefore, old, negative beliefs that have been buried in consciousness (but are experienced as painful episodes in your life!) must surface, as your feelings, in order to be recognized and released.  This is why you don’t want to project your feelings onto another, as in ‘he makes me feel angry.’  These are your feelings.  Look at them.  Allow your feelings to be your friends.

RELATIONSHIPS

 

As you know from the introduction of this audio program, I met my husband shortly after I began practicing these ‘feel better’ principles.  At this point we’ve been married for 11 years and though we have had challenges and times where neither of us thought our marriage would survive, there still has never been an unkind word between us.  And that is a more powerful bond than I ever imagined.

The challenge that emerged for me, once we got over our ‘honeymoon phase,’ is that I am by nature a happy person, and because I consistently and consciously apply the O.K. concept, I am very aware that worrying is never in my best interest.  My husband, though he was sometimes enthusiastic or upbeat, seemed to worry or find something to complain about on a daily basis.

If you want to know how exhausting this is, try listening to someone complain without responding, and notice how you feel within just a few minutes.  No matter how good my day was going, I felt like a deflated balloon when my husband started complaining.

At first I tried to convince him to allow everything to be O.K.  I explained that being grateful and appreciative was a far superior way to be and that he would be happier, and more importantly, I would be happier, if he would simply follow the directions and let everything be O.K.

My husband would nod his head as if he understood and was in agreement with me, but nothing changed.  I went from trying to ‘remind him of a better way’ to feeling annoyed or downright angry at him for not making an effort to be a happier person, or at least not tell me about his problems.

I knew this was my problem, these were my negative emotions and another person in my position wouldn’t be bothered at all.  If my husband had been a counseling client I wouldn’t allow him to call and complain, nor would I call him to see if he had taken my advice to heart.

I knew there was an answer and it finally fell into my lap when I read ‘Awareness:  The Perils and Opportunities of Reality,’ by Anthony De Mello.  In regard to feeling angry or upset he says, “Now understand that you’re making a demand, you have an expectation of this person.  Then say to this person ‘I have no rights to make any demand on you.’  In saying this you will drop your expectation.”

Something about the phrase, ‘I have no rights to make any demands on you,’ really got my attention, because I didn’t think of myself as a demanding person.  And didn’t I have the right to be happy and stick up for myself?

However, it was impossible to miss the point when Anthony De Mello went on to say, “If you have any resistance to saying, ‘I have no rights to make any demands on you,’ my, how much you’re going to learn about your ‘ME’.  Let the dictator in you come out.  Let the tyrant come out.  You thought you were such a little lamb, didn’t you?  But I’m a tyrant and you’re a tyrant.  I’m a dictator, you’re a dictator.  I want to run your life for you.  I want to tell you exactly how you’re expected to be and how you’re expected to behave, and you’d better behave as I’ve decided, or I shall punish myself with negative feelings.”

Suddenly it occurred to me that if I was having a bad day or feeling upset, and some perky person came along telling me to snap out of it and be happy, I would tell them to get lost and maybe even stay grumpy just to prove that I’ll do whatever I want to.

As I read further it said, “Oh, I’ll protect myself from the consequences of your actions or your moods or whatever.  But you can go ahead and be yourself.  I have no rights to make any demands on you.  In other words, I won’t allow you to manipulate me.  I’ll live my life; I’ll go my own way.  I’ll keep myself free to think my own thoughts, to follow my inclinations and tastes, and I’ll say no to you.  If I don’t want to be in your company, it won’t be because of any negative feelings you cause in me because you don’t anymore.  You don’t have any more power over me.”

All at once I realized that by being angry and trying to talk my husband into seeing things my way, I was making a demand in an unsuccessful attempt to protect myself.  So I followed Anthony De Mello’s advice and said to my husband, “I’ve come to the realization that I have no right to make any demands on you.  From now on, you get to totally be yourself with no interference from me.”  My husband’s face lit up at the prospect.

Then I said, “So you get to be yourself, and at the same time I will protect myself from your moods by taking over the guestroom and making it into my own personal space.  That means if the door is closed I’m not available.  Whatever mood you’re in is now officially none of my business, and I will be in my room being happy the way I like to be.  If you invite me to go hiking and you’re worried and complaining, I won’t go with you.  I’ll go with someone else.”

Though it took me nine years to finally see the light, this simple choice to make ‘no demands’ and at the same time protect myself, made the biggest change in my inner happiness.  As I felt happier and more empowered inside, my marriage and my relationships reflected this.  Though I was not trying to change my husband or manipulate his behavior in any way, he very quickly became conscious of his own moods due to a great deal of ‘quality alone time’ as he puts it.

As I began sharing this powerful tool with clients in counseling sessions, every person understood the concept, but some couldn’t see a way out of their personal situation.  So if you’re in a relationship, or a working situation, with someone who’s very controlling and won’t allow you to have your personal space, then try to observe the situation as if it’s your best friend or your child.  What advise would you give them?

Or try this idea from Stephen Covey who says, “There’s your way, there’s my way, but there is a third and better way.”  If you start asking yourself to find a third and better way, you’ll find it.

When I first read that statement, I didn’t believe there could possibly be a way that was better than mine, but I was willing to give it a try.  And much to my astonishment, finding the third and better way was better because both people win.

Your solution may look unconventional to others, but the important thing is that it works for you.  There are also times when we know the answer, but it’s more of an inconvenient truth.  For this reason people try to convince themselves that they’re confused and don’t know what to do, or maybe you find yourself concerned about others and you’re trying to figure out what’s right for the other person.

An amazing insight on this came to me one time.  A friend of mine made a very simple request, but everything inside of me was saying, “No, don’t do this.”  Logically, it made no sense.  And it was something I would have done without a thought, despite the fact that I had a long history of giving to this woman without receiving anything in return.  When I stood my ground and said ‘NO’, she became enraged, walked into her house and slammed the door.

Later on I sat down with my journal and wrote, “What was that about?”  Then I thought, ‘If I knew the answer, what would it be?’

Here’s what came to me:  “God speaks through your feelings.  You do not know the life path of another person and it’s not for you to know.  The feeling of NO is the indication that that action on your part is inappropriate for the other person’s growth and you do not need to know why.

“If you pushed passed the feeling of ‘no’ and did what she wanted, why would you do that?”

I wrote, “Because I wouldn’t want to feel guilty or have her angry at me.”

“Then you become part of the problem.”

When I returned home, my friend who lived in the basement apartment below me, had drafted a letter telling me what I needed to do if I wanted to continue to be her friend.  We were both single moms, but I was the one who had a car, so I had been helping her for four months without any assistance from her in return.  Suddenly I had the perfect opportunity to bow out gracefully, I simply ignored her demands.

She stopped talking to me.  In her mind she was punishing me, but I was totally relieved.  Without having to say a word, the phone calls stopped and she no longer asked me to drive her anywhere.  Miraculously she began figuring out everything herself, which is what I had been hoping for all along.

Five years later she called to say she had been part of a workshop about taking responsibility for herself.  She explained that she felt angry because she saw herself as a victim and she was jealous because everything seemed to work out so easily for me.  Then she told me I was her hero, because I lived everything I talked about.

It’s rare that I get that kind of feedback and it’s even more unusual for someone to suddenly awaken in that manner.  At the time it occurred, I could see everything she was talking about, but I never said anything because I knew that it would only have value if my friend was searching for answers and could see it for herself.

Every relationship and every challenge we experience has the potential to awaken us, and learning to say no to people is part of waking up.  It can even be an awakening for the other person.  It’s not selfish to live your life in the way that feels right to you.  Selfishness is expecting others to live their lives in accordance to your wishes and desires.

These concepts work with children as well.  Even as my daughter is growing up I try to encourage her without making demands and I try to stay out of the way as much as I can so she can make her own decisions.  From the time she was tiny I’d give her choices and help her to understand that whatever happened was the result of her choice.

When my daughter was thirteen I began trying to help her understand the idea of not making demands, including forms of emotional blackmail, and how to protect herself.  Then one day I gave her some advice and she had a rather snippy, ‘I don’t need your advice’ reply, so I said, “Sweetheart, I’m older than you are and I may know something that might be helpful to you.  But if you want to do it your way, I will absolutely support you in learning your own lessons and doing it the painful way and I won’t say another word.”

Her expression changed instantly as my words sunk in and she said, “Sorry mom, I’m totally listening.”  And she meant it.  Because she knew, I meant it.  I then said, “I understand that you’re a teenager and that you see your friends talk disrespectfully to their parents and get away with it, so let me make this very clear.  You are always welcome to share your point of view and I will listen, but if you want to be disrespectful in any way, I won’t be angry with you, but you will lose your privileges for the rest of the day.  If you do it again, you’ll lose your privileges for a week.”

I genuinely don’t feel upset because I know that I will take the appropriate action.  The result is that my daughter monitors her own behavior because she is motivated to do so, and this habit will serve her for the rest of her life.  She has a sense of freedom.  And if she loses her privileges, she knows it’s the result of her own choices, not because of someone else’s expectations or demands.

One thing we all know from being children or having children is that no matter what children have been taught, there will come a time that they are going to do whatever they are going to do.  By not demanding a certain behavior, or making your child right or wrong, you actually put yourself in a position where your child will listen to you, because once they know you won’t judge them they will come to you for advice.

I had a client once who complained about her husband lying to her.  I asked her a simple question:  “Is it safe for your husband to tell you the truth?”  This goes for your kids too.  If you want the truth, it has to be safe for them to tell you the truth.  This way of being requires trust and it’s important to practice being lovingly detached, even if a loved one’s decision causes them pain.

I still distinctly remember being eighteen and telling my mother I wanted the freedom to make my own mistakes.  I was willing to endure painful consequences just for the right to make my own choices.

Though you may understand the concept of not making demands, and protecting yourself, you may still feel that you have a situation that is the exception to the rule, a situation where you have to do something you don’t want to do and you’re stuck.  So, let me share a little game called ‘I Have To.’

Here’s how it works.  Get out a piece of paper and write down what it is you have to do.  Next, write down what will happen if you do not do it.  Keep writing until you cannot think of anything else and then connect the outcome to your first statement.  Here’s an example:  “I have to work at a job I hate.  If I don’t go to work, I’ll get fired.  If I get fired, I can’t pay my rent.  If I can’t pay my rent, I’ll be homeless.  If I’m homeless, I’ll end up living under a bridge with a shopping cart and then I’ll die.  Now go back to the beginning.  I have to work at a job I hate, or I’ll end up living under a bridge and then I’ll die.”

When you put it together this way it seems like a totally unfounded fear, and once you see it that way, your fear will begin to disappear.

Have you ever seen someone drive themselves into the ground because they believe no one else can do what they’re doing?  Finally they end up in the hospital.  And what happens?  Everything works out.  Despite the fact that they believe nothing would work without them.

So if you feel stuck, do the ‘I Have To’ exercise’ and when you’re done write, “If I knew the answer, what would it be?”  Start making something up, and let your creative mind take over.  Ask yourself this question at bedtime and let your subconscious mind work on the problem for you.

My very best ideas always come just as I’m waking up.  If you think there’s no solution to your problem, think about this:  Before you can have a problem, the solution already exists.  So when you ask the question, ‘What is two plus two?’ the answer, ‘four’ already exists.  There’s always a third and better way, you just have to get out of the way and find it.

In the spring of 1999 I discovered something that powerfully changed my life.  A friend loaned me an audio series by Wayne Dyer called, Manifest Your Destiny The very last tape explained the ‘how to’ of manifesting.

Here’s a very brief explanation:  If you think of the 3rd dimension as a ‘vibration,’ it’s rather slow and heavy in comparison to the dimension or vibration of desires and ideas.  What is between these two dimensions (or vibrations) is the vibration of sound.  Sound can be consciously used to bring ourdesires into manifestation.  The universal sound of attraction is Ah (as in God,Allah, Jehovah).  The universal sound of gratitude isOm.  These sounds are sung on one note (this is also called ‘toning’).  Technically speaking, Ah is sung for 20 minutes in the morning andOmfor 20 minutes in the evening (the most powerful times being sunrise and sunset) and right before bed sing, ‘shalom’ which is the combination of the two.  However, any amount of time toning is great, and you can even do this in the car while commuting.  A clear intention is all that is required.  My favorite way to meditate is lying down, and if I fall asleep, it’s all that much better!

In my case, I discovered that I’d sing Ah in the morning and forget to singOmat night.  Then I’d feel a bit guilty for forgetting to be grateful! So I devised my own system where I’d sing Ah andOmon the same breath so I’d be guaranteed to accomplish attraction and gratitude all at once! (That may not be technically correct, but the Universe ALWAYS understands our intentions.)

I had something I wanted to manifest, but five minutes into this ‘singing meditation’ I thought, ‘What if this isn’t in my best interest?’  And then I suddenly remembered something Wayne Dyer said earlier on the tape, “The difference between the average person and the enlightened master, is the average person is at peace some of the time, the enlightened master is at peace all the time.”

Then it hit me:  No matter what I desired; a job, a relationship, a home, all of it is meaningless, and potentially painful, if there isn’t a foundation of peace.  And if I was deeply at peace, then everything else would have a way of working out effortlessly and easily.  So I took the easy way out.  I didn’t try to figure anything out, I simply decided I would do nothing more than hold an intention for peace.  No matter what I thought I wanted or needed, no matter what bills needed paying, I kept holding the feeling of peace.

Then I came across an audio series called Sound Body Sound Mind by Andrew Weil.  Subliminally woven into the music is the sound the brain makes when in the delta state, the deepest state of meditation.  In the delta state, one can experience spontaneous healing.  And with this sound subliminally in the music, the listener’s brain will automatically entrain to it and move naturally into a state of meditation without so much as a conscious thought.  Andrew Weil suggests that the listener simply hold an intention while listening to the music, and says there’s no need to ‘try’ to meditate since your brain waves will automatically entrain with the subliminal delta sounds.  (There is an entire tape dedicated to this explanation, so this is intended to just give you a brief idea of what’s behind the music.)

I was particularly drawn to a part of the tape called ‘The Deep,’ which is all musical tones with no melody (it’s also the ‘deepest’ part of the subliminal meditation music).  Then one evening while listening to ‘The Deep,’ it occurred to me to start singing the Ah’s andOm’s with the tones.  In five minutes I moved into one of the deepest states of meditation I had ever experienced! As I shared this with friends I discovered that it didn’t matter whether a person was advanced or brand new to meditation, everyone had an amazing experience.

I didn’t fully understand why this toning mediation to music worked so well until I read the book, The Mozart Effect by Don Campbell, which says:

“All forms of vocalization…can be therapeutic, but I have found that nothing rivals toning.  Toning oxygenates the body, deepens breathing, relaxes the muscles, and stimulates the energy flow.  When performed by a voice rich in timbre, toning will massage and tune up the entire body….  One of the simplest ways to calm your mind, stabilize the rhythms in your body, and improve your voice is through toning or humming.

“AH”  The ah sound immediately evokes a relaxation response.

“OH”  The oh and om sounds are considered the richest of all by many people who tone or chant.

“Five minutes of OH can change the skin temperature, muscle tension, brain waves, and breath and heart rates.  It is a great tool for an instant tune-up.”

The following is a ten-minute excerpt from a portion of ‘Sound Body Sound Mind.’  In a moment you’ll hear me singing with ‘The Deep’ to give you an idea of how to tone with the music.  It’s not necessary to follow my voice exactly, in fact, you can choose any note that’s comfortable for you, and the duration of your singing and breathing is individual as well.

I love to wake up a bit early and do this meditation before I get out of bed.  I fall asleep singing as well, holding the intention of peace and gratitude.  I’d suggest that once you understand how to do this singing-meditation, you purchase a copy of ‘Sound Body Sound Mind’ so you can have the full benefit of the subliminal background.